Secrets
by KayDrew
Summary: We all have Secrets. Charlie feels like his is bigger than most and it's tearing him up inside. He's drowning in it and there's only one thing to bring him from his problems. Chap 9 is up
1. Secrets Revealed

_Secrets – we all have them. None of us know who we are or our pasts. My past, it has been a bad one. Drugs, abuse, drinking – those are just three parts to my past. I want to forget this life I had before, but I can't. There is a black cloud over my head. Only I can see it. Only I know about it. I wish it would just go away. I love her so much, but she doesn't know. She can't know. I'll just end up hurting Claire. I always end up hurting someone I care for. Maybe I should leave – me and my black cloud. Perhaps going far…far away would be best for everyone – be best for the community that will soon be growing. _

Charlie Pace walked slowly down the beach. He was near the water, but not quite. The rocker did not want to get his black and white checkered Vans wet. His secret would be ruined then. It was all he had. With a heavy sigh, he glanced up the beach. Under a make-shift, blue, tarp tent sat Claire and her baby. It was a nice sight. Bitterly, the bass player of Driveshaft smiled and looked away before she could see him gazing her and her child. Stuffing his hands into his ratty pockets, Charlie continued on his way. A strand of blond hair blew in front of his face as the wind picked up. Removing his hands from his pockets, he wrapped his arms around his waist so that his striped shirt would not blow and also because his stomach hurt. It was churning. He felt sick. _I am sick_, he thought rushing off into the forest.

When he was in a hidden place, he bent and retched. The little food he had consumed in the last few days came up. The British rocker fell to his knees and pressed his palms to the ground. _God, I feel awful. Help me please. Help me,_ Charlie prayed as he closed his eyes. The druggie was clammy and a slight sweat had broken out. He was at rock bottom, but Charlie knew it would be worse so much worse.

There was a sound suddenly. "Hello," Charlie rasped out as he looked around. Quickly, he stood and wiped his mouth off, "Locke? Jack?"

"Est mon bébé, où est mon bébé," a woman cried out in French. She sounded quite distraught. The voice scared him. There were no French speaking people in the wreck – at least Charlie assumed that. "Le bébé, où est mon bébé," she cried again in a faint voice. One last time, she cried out for her baby and the voice disappeared. With the disappearance came another sound.

_There was silence. There was not supposed to be silence. Locke looked around him. There were balloons, a table with drinks, other appetizers, and a mirror. Locke was dressed in a tuxedo. He was confused. There were people talking - happily and excitedly. They were celebrating. Locke could hear his own voice. He was talking with a friend. Suddenly, the friend stopped mid-sentence and stared wide-eyed at Locke. Around them, the conversations stilled. Locke took a few steps back. He was suddenly scared of what was happening. Everyone was staring at him, or rather, his abdomen. They started whispering and pointing at him. Locke's gaze fell on the mirror - on his own image to be precise. On his shirt, somewhere in the area where his kidney should have been, was a hole. The area around it was stained with blood. He looked down at his body and saw the same. Locke's head snapped up when he hear someone laughing. His father was standing a few feet away from him, holding something that looked like his kidney and he ate it._

John Locke woke up with a start, his breathing irregular. His eyes snapped open and were immediately blinded by the light of the sun, shining through the trees. He quickly shut them again. Slowly counting to ten, he willed his breathing to even out. It did. He risked opening his eyes again and looked around. Trees. Shaking off the last bit of sleep, he started to rise. He should not have fallen asleep. Not out there in the woods anyways. Retrieving his knifes, he started to stroll back to the camp. However, before he made it there, he came upon a sight that surprised him a bit. Charlie stood there, leaning against a tree, looking rather ill. "Charlie?" Locke asked, hesitatingly while he carefully walked closer.

Charlie's grayish-blue eyes widen when Locke came out of the bushes. "Locke," Charlie said chewing his lip, "Did you here her? The French woman? She was calling for her baby!" The drug addict knew he sounded half out of his mind. He was in fact. The withdrawals he felt was controlling his mind. Things that were not there, he saw. They terrified him, but he did not let the terror and paranoia show, accept until now. The drug addict was trying to quit, but he knew what would happen in the end. Charlie would soon be using again. The pain and sickness he felt and what he was seeing was horrible.

As Charlie thought about this, his stomach began to churn. He bent and started retching. Only bile was coming up and it burned his throat like acid. He fell to his hands and knees and stayed like this. His arms shook slightly and he was sweating, but he did not pay any attention. The drug addict was weak from throwing up and from not eating for two days.

Locke looked at Charlie with a worried look. The young man did not look so good. "No," he started carefully, "I did not hear anything." Before he could add anything else, the young man started to retch. Locke did not know what to do. He wanted to help the sick man before him, but he had not the skinniest idea how. Locke looked around him, hoping to find something that might be useful and of course, he found nothing.

Looking back at Charlie, he found the young man on his hands and knees, looking like he was swallowed by a polar bear and spit out again. He walked over to Charlie and bent down on one knee, careful to evade the bile on the ground. He put a hand on Charlie's shoulder. "How are you feeling? Do you know what's wrong?"

The man jerked when Locke place a hand on his shoulder. Charlie knew that it was for comfort Locke had done this, but for him, it hurt his skin and the touch scared him. Slowly and with shame, Charlie looked at Locke. "How do you think I feel," he asked the bald man, "I am afraid I do know what's wrong with me, Locke." He looked away from the man and licked his lips. Slowly, he stood and leaned against the tree for support. The man closed his eyes and sighed heavily.

Locke looked at the young man with a glint in his eyes that could be interpreted as a mix between pity, confusion and frustration. It was no good in a time like this for the young man to be cryptic! But Locke also realized that seeing as Charlie looked rather miserable on the outside, he must feel ten times worse on the inside. Locke took a deep breath, counted to five, and then back to one. "Come on, Charlie. Let's get you back to the beach. Jack will know what to do with you. I'm no good at situations like these. Hunting boars, yes. Dealing with physical situations of a human body, no." he said, trying to be supportive and lightening up the mood.

Charlie looked down at the ground and rubbed the toe of his black and white Van slip on in the toe. He could tell Locke was angry with him, but Charlie did not care. The question had been obvious to him and Charlie was in no mood for obvious questions. "I'm not going back to the beach Locke. I'm leaving. I-I can't stay. I'll hurt the community that's starting…I'll hurt Claire and her baby," he whispered as he looked up at Locke. Charlie licked his lips and left his resting spot. He slowly began to go into the jungle, not caring if he was followed or not.

Locke's eyes followed the back of Charlie with an intense gaze and a frown marring his face as the young man retreated into the jungle. There was something wrong with him and Locke was going to find out what that was. So he followed him. He had to run a bit to catch up with Charlie, but he made it there in no time, for Charlie was not walking very fast. Locke grabbed Charlie's arm and turned him around to face Locke. He looked in his eyes. "What is going on here? What makes you think you'll hurt the others? What are you hiding, Charlie?"

Fear was in the man's eyes as John Locke turned him around. He looked like one of Locke's boars. The druggie tried to look away from the man, but Locke held him so he had to. "L-Locke," Charlie stammered, "I'm leaving that's what's going on." He stopped talking then, he could not answer those questions for a moment. Charlie licked his lips. "I-I'm a drug addict, Locke. I do heroin. I have not had a fix in two days an-and I am going through withdrawals. I-I get scary and I'll hurt her accidentally. I get out of my mind Locke. But, I'm loosing. It's only time before I use so I have to leave. You don't understand."

Locke sighed and loosened his hold on Charlie's arm, but not letting go entirely. He let his gaze wander through the forest before settling it down on Charlie again. "I don't understand?" he laughed, humorlessly. "You're right, maybe I don't. Not exactly what you're going through anyway. But I've been through situations that are comparable to it, seen situation that are worse. I'm not going to judge you about who you are and I'm not going to pretend I know what you're going through. But I'll tell you this. You think you're trying your hardest already? Then think again, 'cause you can always try harder. You don't want to hurt people? Then be determined enough not to. By just leaving won't solve the problem, you're just pushing it away. You have to face it and defeat it."

The druggie looked at Locke's hand as he held onto it. He then looked back at the bald man. "Locke, as I thought, you don't understand," Charlie said, "I've tried before to stop with people around. It ended up badly. I-I hurt people physically. I'm not risking it Locke. I'm leaving. You can't make me stay. I'll come back, only when I know I'm safe." Charlie yanked his arm away from Locke and stormed into the woods. On his way there, he discretely took one of Locke's blades and slipped it into his belt.


	2. Deadly Secrets

To: Ernil i Pheriannath – I am glad you are enjoying the fan fiction Cirn and are writing. It is a lot of fun to write (at least for me, I cannot say for Cirn). I love angst in general. ;) We're working on it. There will be more to come. Cirn and I are working as fast as we can and shall until it's done.

To: pacejunkie – There is two reasons he took a knife. The first is protection, the second I can't say. You'll find out in this chapter – it will shock you all. I shall not answer the last question either. It would ruin the surprise. Cirn and I are.

To: elfmaiden4legs – Well, here it is, the update you were asking for! Everything's going to be a huge surprise from here on out.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_I could never have stayed. It would not been right for her or anyone. I will come back if I can get control over my addiction. I tried once to quit. It was bad. I hurt three people, including myself. It was a dark time. After everything, I went back. It had been two days of absolute hell. I'm afraid. It's happening again. There's nothing I can do. Can anyone or anything save me?_

Charlie Pace had been gone six hours. He kept hearing whispers, though it was not the French woman. These whispers were in his head. They weren't real. The druggie would have realized that if he had been in his right mind. He wasn't. Sweat from fever dripped down his face and back. His light and dark gray striped shirt clung uncomfortably to the sweat, but he did not seem to notice or, if he did, care. His hands and legs shook, however, he marched on with a steady pace. His nose and red-rimmed grayish-green eyes ran and every once in awhile Charlie wiped them.

By nightfall, he was shivering so horribly that Charlie could hardly walk. He was stumbling every few steps and even fell twice. Because of the sweat, he could hardly see and that did not help his gait in the least. The man was hurting, though his mind after awhile turned off, so that all he felt was numbness, sadness and desperation. After he could not take it any longer, he collapsed under a willow tree. He lay there, unmoving until he heard the voice again.

"Mon-BÉBÉ, où est elle," the woman exclaimed, coming out of the forest. Charlie rolled over so that he was in a sitting position and looked up at the woman. At one time, she looked as if she were beautiful. Her hair hung in long curly brown locks. Her eyes were sharp and even though there was a deranged look in them, there was smartness as well. The French woman was pencil thin and she work a black tank top and brown pants that hung off her. In her hands, she carried a rifle.

"You're baby? I don't have a baby," Charlie whispered wondering if he was seeing things or if she was there. The British man was terrified. His breathing was fast and sharp.

"I saw you with a baby," she said licking her lips, "Is the child yours?" She raised the rifle and pointed it at him.

"N-no," Charlie stammered, "He's Claire's – not mine." Charlie shook his head and closed his eyes. "You're not real. No one's seen you but me," Charlie whispered.

Charlie had opened his eyes again. He looked around and there was no sign of the woman anywhere, though her voice could be heard faintly chanting, "L'enfant m'aidera. Aidez-moi à récupérer Alex. L'enfant m'aidera."

"I've gone insane," Charlie whispered, bringing his knees up to his chest and hugging them. He placed his chin on them and winced. Locke's knife had pricked him. An idea formed and a grim smile came onto his face. Slowly, he drew the blade from his belt.

_Charlie wandered the streets of London. His eyes were crazed and he was so thin, his bones could be seen. His light blue t-shirt was stained and ripped and his pants were not much better. The shoes he wore, a very old pair of Vans, were falling apart. He staggered into the ally and sank down onto an overturned bucket. He drew from his pocket a small Bowie knife. He surveyed his body and slowly and with shaking hands, he pressed the blade onto his wrist. He winced, but did not scream out. The man watched the blood flow and then passed out. Two days later, he woke with his wrist sewn up and in the hospital. No one had realized he had tried to kill himself – which was a miracle, because Charlie felt like an idiot – and so he was in a regular room. Three days later, he had been released. _

The man handled the small knife with trembling hands. With accuracy, he dove it into his stomach and screamed. Blood poured from the wound as he twisted the blade. His face scrunched up in agony and Charlie screamed again – louder this time.

Back on the beach, Locke was leaning against a rock and seemed to be deep in thoughts. When Charlie stormed off for the second time, Locke decided that if he needed some 'me-time', Locke would give him that. He needed to go back to the beach anyway for water and food.

Shaking the remaining thoughts out of his head, Locke stood up straight and stretched out. He needed to clean his knifes, so he walked over to the water and sat on one of the rocks nearby. He started to pull his knifes out. Two out of his boots, one out of the left side of his hip, then he reached over for the one on his right hip only to find it missing!

_That's odd. I could have sworn I had it with me after waking up,_ he thought. At first, he started to think that he might have lost it on the way back, but then the answer suddenly shot through his mind. Charlie!

Without even bothering to clean his knifes, he tucked them all back in their rightful spaces and headed for the woods. But not before grabbing a bottle of water and a clean cloth out of the 'Hospital' tent. He had a nagging feeling that he would need it. He had been on the beach for 2 hours before he noticed his knife gone, so who knows what the young man has done to himself?

After four hours of searching (or after the third hour, stumbling) through the woods, he still had not found Charlie. _C'mon, John. You can find boars and all, why can't you find a young man with heroin addiction,_ he thought to himself, trying to give himself an energy boost.

He continued stomping through the plants and suddenly, a scream of agony pierced his ears. Locke's eyes widened as he recognized the voice as Charlie's. He tried to determine which side the noise came from, when another scream pierced the silence in the woods. Birds flew out of trees and more sounds of different kind of animals could be heard. Deciding on a direction, Locke strolled that way with determination. Sooner than expected, he stumbled on a scene he'd rather not wanted to see. Charlie.

Charlie leaned against the willow tree. His eyes were tightly shut with tears streaming down his face. The usual calm expression he wore upon his face had been replaced by a look of agony and craziness. From his abdomen wound blood poured. It stained his shirt and pants and pooled around the young man. His hands had dropped from the blade that still stuck in his stomach. He could not push it into his front anymore. Only the top of the handle was visible. He was panting hard with his mouth agape in a silent scream. The British man had no strength left to yell out.

_He staggered out of a pub. He was looking around with a paranoid look in his eyes. He had not had a fix for two days and it was affecting him. He thought everyone was out to get him. With an unsteady gait, the man walked down the street. Feeling ill, Charlie bent over and threw up. "Are you all right," an American young woman asked behind him suddenly. With the speed of a cheetah he turned and grabbed her. The brown haired chubby teenager yelped out in fear. No one heard her though. The road was deserted. "Leave me along, Bessie," Charlie screamed shoving her roughly to the ground. Where he had held her was a huge bruise. Two men came out of what seemed like nowhere. "Hey! You don't lay a hand on her," an Australian man said grabbing Charlie and heaving him up and against the wall. Charlie punched and kicked the man, who fell backward into a third man with a sickening crunch. Without turning to see how any of the people were, he ran far away and into an ally. _

Charlie desperately wanted to fall into unconsciousness. In that world, he would not hurt. However, no matter how hard he tried, he would not go. His eyes snap open as another wave of pain came over him. The man saw Locke and fear mixed in with all of the other feelings he felt. Locke had come to finish him off. Charlie knew it deep down. "Stay away!" Charlie rasped out as blood tricked down his face.

At the bloody sight of the remaining member of Driveshaft, Locke had to take a deep breath to steady himself and allowed himself to count to three – one, two, two and a half, two and three quarters, Three. He exhaled. With determination, he strolled over to the bleeding young man and grasped his arms. Locke desperately wanted to shake that man awake, but knew that that wasn't the best action he could take on a mortally wounded person. Therefore, he settled for yelling in his face. "CHARLIE! CALM DOWN!"

When the young man didn't listen and tried to break away, Locke sighed and felt regretful for what he had to do next, but he knew it had to be down, for both of their sakes. Raising his right arm, he said, "Sorry Charlie, but this is for your own good," and struck down hard enough to knock the young man unconscious.

Settling him down on the ground, he took a closer look at his wounds. It was not a pleasant sight. Locke took out the bottle of water and the clean cloth he'd brought with him. Gently tearing off Charlie's bloodied shirt, he poured some water of the wound and cleaned it with the cloth. After he deemed it clean enough, he put the clean side of the cloth on Charlie's wound and bound it with ripped off piece of Charlie's shirt.

With Charlie seated as comfortably as possible, he started in the direction of the beach. But night was falling and soon it was dark. They were too deep in the forest to make it back to the beach in time. Locke started to worry even more. But fortunately for them, a cave came into his sight. Quickly, he trudged over to the - hopefully - safer place for them to stay.

Hours later, Charlie woke. He sputtered and coughed. His stomach radiated pain. Laying there on his back, he looked around. The man could hardly see where he was. His sight was fuzzy and everything was foreign and confusing. His chest raced causing blood to pour from the wound and his breath to sharpen.

The young man had no idea what was going on. The thoughts he had were muddled and daunting. Everything around him was strange. He did not understand anything that was going on. A light flickered to one side of his vision. It cast creepy images of a distorted daemon wielding a knife. The fiend was coming towards Charlie. He screamed and his hands balled up. He punched and connected with something hard.

This activity wore him out completely. He slumped to the floor and his eyes closed. The feverish sweat from the withdrawals dripped down his pale face and pasty neck onto his insipid, heaving stomach and his body shook – he was a pitiful sight. He was sick and direly hurt. Would he survive?


	3. What Secrets?

To elfmaiden4legs:  
Me - Well, I hope you like this chap! You'll find out slowly what will happen to our dear little rock star.  
Cirn - Glad you like it! I'm glad Locke didn't turn out to be too out of character

To Spice of Life:  
Me – Yes, I agree. Darn that French woman. She isn't gone either.  
Cirn - Here here! lol

To Ernil i Pheriannath:  
Me – Here's more for you and soon there will be more and more, until it's done. Why, thank-you. :-)  
Cirn – More portions of Angst coming right up!

* * *

When Locke reached the cave, he quickly went inside and slowly put Charlie down. Then, he looked around for dry wood to make a fire with to keep the injured young man warm. He was lucky, for he found what he needed soon enough. After starting up a fire, he went to sit by Charlie's side and leaned his back against the cold rock of the cave. Slowly, he drifted off to a slight slumber.

Locke woke up to the sound of someone shifting. Opening his eyes, he found Charlie trashing and coughing. Locke stood up and walked to the injured young man, but when he came within the reach of Charlie, the feverish man suddenly screamed and punched him in the face. The punch wasn't really hard, for Charlie had no energy left in him after he stabbed himself. Still, there might be a bruise on Locke's face tomorrow.

Locke took a better look at the young man and decided that he could not do much for him at the moment anyway, so he sat back down. The fire started to die down, so he picked up a few branched and poked the fire. Hypnotized by the glowing flame his mind started to drift to the wounded man next to the wounded man next to him. Charlie was a heroin addict and he was showing withdrawals signs. Locke had nothing against drug addicts, but he had always thought that it was their own fault that they had started it, so he never pitied them. On Charlie, though Locke did not know what to think. The same? No. Locke did pity Charlie. He even sympathized with him. In the short time he'd known him, Charlie was full of spirits. What made the young man start on drugs? Locke didn't know. He'd heard enough stories about why people would start on drugs. He'd met people who knew people that were drug addicts. He'd even met a few ex-drug addicts. But none of the stories he had heard, seemed like they would fit Charlie.

Sighing deeply, he snapped out of his thoughts. This was not a time to dwell on these matters. Locke leaned back against the rock and closed his eyes. He needed his energy to carry Charlie back to the beach tomorrow. Better get enough sleep.

_Breathing – the air goes in the lungs and out again. It's like a wave from the sea. It was a miracle to feel and to see. It is a constant struggle. If you go under, then breath and water become one and the same. Two waves melding as one. _

As if Charlie had been sucked under a wave, his breath came out strangled. It was uneven and uneasy. Every breath came out slowly, dragging with each second. The night slowly faded and with it, Charlie's energy and breath. He could hardly breathe and still the man bled.

From his stomach wound, blood soiled the cloth around it and had even puddle a little to the sides of him. By morning, his skin was pale and he scarcely breathed. The look on his face was absolute torture. His sweaty brow was drawn and he wore a grimace on his lips. The sun shone into the cave and fell into Charlie's eyes. Slowly, he stirred. With the waking, he coughed and screamed because it hurt so badly.

Locke started awake and shot up from where he was sleeping. Pain shot through his neck and back, but he ignored it, focusing instead on more important matters. Like the young man on the floor who seemed to be in pure agony at the moment. Locke was by his side in no time and a deep frown marred his face.

For the first time in his life, Locke felt the utter helplessness inside him. Even when he could not walk, he did not feel helpless. This new feeling scared him. He quickly looked around him for something, anything that could help him, but there were only dirt and branches and the smoldering make-shift campfire.

Taking a deep breath, Locke forced himself to calm down. Suddenly, he heard it. The sound of water. He shot up from where he was crouching, once again ignoring the lingering ache in his back and started towards the source of the sound. Just a little further in the cave, there was a small source of water. Locke suddenly felt the need to thank the gods for this new source of water. He was sure that it would help Charlie.

Quickly, he tore off a piece of his shirt and dipped it in the water, cleaning it a bit. Looking around him, he found large pieces of leafs. He picked one up and folded it into a semi cup. He filled it with water by dipping it under and he was very relieved when it didn't seem to leak. Walking back over to Charlie, he put the piece of water soaked cloth on the feverish young man's forehead and tilted his head up a little. He brought the make-shift cup with water to Charlie's lips and tried to make him drink a bit.

Charlie sputtered when the water hit the back of his throat. However, as the water slowly eased down his throat, he relaxed as the coolness soothed his parched throat. The cool water on his hot brow brought some feelings of relief, though no amount of coolness helped his mounded abdomen. Slowly, he opened his eyes. "Locke," he whispered weakly, "I…" The man trailed off as he tried to collect his thoughts. "can explain," he said after a long time.

Locke raised his eyebrows at the young man, a look that clearly said 'Oh really?', despite the fact that he felt enormously relieved inside that Charlie had enough strength to speak normally again. "Well fella, you better start talking then." he said in the most stern voice he could muster.

Charlie nodded. His eyesight was cloudy and he could hardly see who he was talking to. That, however, did not matter. How could he begin? Slowly, Charlie breathed in and then he exhaled. "I…" he began and stop, "get really depressed when I don't have a fix or I get angry. I hurt people. I hurt myself. I-I knew this would happen." He gestured to his wrist where a long, pale scar was. It contrasted sharply with the rest of his tanned arm. Charlie could not talk anymore then that – at least at this time. He was too weak…too tired.

Seeing the young man on the verge of unconsciousness, Locke laid him down again on the cave floor. "You rest a bit here, Charlie. I'll go outside and see if I can find Jack. He'll know how to treat you." he said soothingly. He brushed a lock of hair out of the young man's face. "You hang in there, Charlie. Don't you dare to give up." With a last look at the pale youngster, he walked out of the cave, in hope to find the doctor.

Charlie nodded his head again. It was a slow and erratic movement. He shook from cold and from the kicking movements that were common with withdrawal. His face was scrunched up in agony. Charlie felt so much pain, he slowly let himself detach and his mind, along with the pain, floated into a world where there was numbness and relief. It was a world that was hard to get out of because sometimes one doesn't want too.

Meanwhile, Jack Shepard ran through the forest. Where were they? The two of them had been gone all night and the brunette surgeon was worried. Jack knew that Charlie and Locke went hunting together many times, but never for twelve hours in a row. Something was wrong. He knew it.

When Kate Austin saw that Jack ran into the forest, she decided to go after him. He was way further than Kate in the forest, but she believed that she'd find him in time. Kate was worried about Locke and Charlie too, especially the latter. She had talked to Claire a while ago, and Claire had told her about Charlie's strange behavior. Claire was worried about him, but couldn't go look for him, because she didn't want to leave her son alone. Therefore, Kate decided to talk to Jack about it. That conversation led to the running into the forest thing, but of course, he wanted Kate to stay put. Kate huffed mentally and shook her head. Men.

"Dammed-it, where did they go," Jack cursed as he stopped. The doctor wiped his brow as he looked around. The man scanned with a clinical eye the ground, trying to see if there were any disturbances – there was one. It was one of Charlie's bandages he wore more for look then to keep a wound covered. He bent and picked it up.

The bushes behind him ruffled as Kate appeared. She seemed a bit out of breath. Coming to a stop in front of Jack, she cocked her head to a side and smirked. "What? You thought you were rid of me?" she said teasingly. Then, turning serious, she looked at what Jack was holding with a frown. "Any ideas where they might be yet?" she asked.

Jack looked up at Kate. He frowned and pressed his lips together. The doctor was in no mood to joke. "No clue at all," he said irritably, "This is the only clue to where they could be. Do you see anything mi..." There was a rustle. Jack stood up quickly. He grabbed the gun he had stuffed in his belt and aimed, but did not shoot.


	4. Secrets that could Kill

Locke felt extremely lucky today. After less than an hour searching, or rather, stumbling around hoping to find Jack, he finally found the doctor together with Kate. However, he was somewhat startled when he found himself being on the open end of a gun. He felt relieved when no 'boom!' came, and he quickly put his arms up in a gesture of surrender. "Ho there, Jack. It's just me."

"Locke!" Kate sighed with relief. She glanced at Jack, then at the gun, then back at Jack. Kate mentally shrugged and turned her attention back to Locke. "Where were you all night? Where's Charlie?"

Jack lowered his gun when he saw that it was just Locke. "Sorry," he muttered as he put the gun away, "Yes, where is he?" The doctor looked at Locke as he waited for an answer.

"Back in the cave, a bit further away. He's gravely injured. He needs medical attention, Jack." Locke got silent for a moment. "He's stabbed himself in the stomach." he explained, braving himself for the younger two of the trio's reactions.

Kate was shocked and looked at Locke with wide eyes. She wanted him to say that he was just joking and Charlie was just fine, hiding somewhere in the trees, but on the other side, she had expected something like that. After her conversation with Claire, she'd had a nasty feeling in her stomach and this new proved her suspicions that something had happened to the young man. Kate didn't know what to do, so she just stood there, waiting for one of them to break the silence first.

Jack looked at Locke as if the bald man was joking. Then, when he realized that Locke was not joking, he thought maybe Locke was lying about who had done it. Finally, his thoughts turned over and he realized that the truth was that Charlie had tried to kill himself. "Why did he do that? I need the full story Locke," he said. The doctor charged forward. He was in doctoring mode. "Take me to him now, John."

"I'll tell you the whole story after we've made sure he's gonna be allright. Come on, follow me." Locke said as he made his way back to the direction of where the caves are.

Kate shook herself out of her stupor and quickly followed the two men. She had a feeling they would be needing her help.

Jack followed Locke as fast as he could go. He glanced at Kate. There was a worried look in his eyes. What they find, he did not know, but Jack was scared that it would be bad.

After what seemed like hours, what in fact was no more than 30 minutes, they finally reached the caves. Jack rushed in as first and the other soon followed. Charlie was still lying on the floor, face twisted into a grimace of agony. Jack sprung into doctor's mode and swung his backpack to the floor. Opening it, he got out the medical supplies he always had with him. He also started to give orders to Kate and Locke.

"We need water and a fire to disinfect the supplies. Anyone has spare clothes here?" he said in his doctor voice.

"I'll go get the water. I found a small water source just a little way further." Locke said and grabbed his empty water bottle. He had a feeling he would need much more than just the little he could collect in a leaf-turned-cup.

"I have a spare t-shirt in my backpack." Kate said, already pulling out the white piece of clothing and hand it over to Jack. Without being told to, she walked over to the leftovers of the campfire and started to build a new one. Soon, a fire was burning cheerfully in the cave.

Jack took the shirt without speaking and started to rip it into smaller pieces. One of them he laid on the floor while putting the rest on his backpack. He pulled out the needles, a bottle of painkillers and a bottle of disinfectant and started to work.

Locke came back with the water and put it where Jack could easily reach it. For what seemed like an eternity, Locke and Kate silently sat next to each other while the doctor worked. Occasionally, one of them would get up to get something for Jack. The injured young man lay unconscious while Jack was doing his best to heal him, knocked out by the large dose of painkillers Jack gave him.

Finally, the doctor stopped what he was doing and fell back on the floor with a deep frown on his face. When Locke called him, he looked up at them with sorrow in his eyes.

"I did what I could," he said softly.

Locke and Kate exchanged a look and Locke walked over to the doctor. Placing a hand on his shoulder, he said soothingly, "I'm sure you've done your best."

Jack's voice quavered as he looked up at Locke with tears in his eyes. "I did. But it wasn't enough!" Jack abruptly stood up and started to pace. He ran his hands through his hair and yanked. He stamped his foot on the ground and hit the wall. Kate ran over to him and tried to grab his arms. After getting a few bruises on her arms, she finally grabbed it and held it in a tight grip.

"Jack! Jack! Look at me. Look at me!" Kate yelled at him.

Jack calmed down a little and red puffy eyes met teary ones. Brown orbs locked with blurry green. "It wasn't enough, Kate," he repeated. "The wound was too deep, the knife had been twisted, he's gotten himself an infection and above that all he punctured his lung. I've did what I could to help him, but I don't know if he'll recover. There's been no case known that someone has survived a wound like this and with the limited medical supplies," Jack trailed off, leaving them to conclude themselves.

Locke walked over to Charlie and sat down next to him. He maneuvered the young man's head onto his lap and leaned back against the cave wall. Where there had been a bleeding wound, it was now wrapped neatly with bandages where only a spot of red could be seen. Locke smoothed back the hair out of Charlie's face, and then looked back at the other two. "We'd better get some rest. Jack, you haven't rested all day. Eat something, and then sleep. We have to get back to the beach tomorrow morning."

Jack and Kate both nodded. Locke was right. They were exhausted and sleep sounded very attracting at the moment. However, none of them really got any sleep that night. It was a slumber, filled with worry and heartache for the unconscious young man and nightmares about his fate.


	5. Secrets of the heart

Spice of Life –  
Me – Yes, darn the French woman. She's not gone either.  
Cirn - He he, French woman is not bad.. just crazy..

Elfmaiden4legs –  
Me – We are writing as fast as we can and will update as soon as each chap is done. You shall!  
Cirn - Here ya go! Next chappie

Babybrothalova –  
Me – Thanks. Cirn and I plan on it. :-)  
Cirn - Thanks. We'll keep going.

Ernil i Pheriannath –  
Me – Thank-you. We are. Here's the new chapter.  
Cirn - grins

* * *

_It was only a few days ago, but it seems like I have known him my whole life. We're strangers, I know. But, I worry about him. I am worried about Jack, Kate, and Locke as well. They've been gone for so long. Something happened. No one else seems worried though._

Claire Littleton walked up and down the beach with her baby in her arms. She stared at the waves rolling in and out and felt the sand between her toes. It felt nice. The Australian looked down the beach and saw Locke and Jack with a stretcher between them and Kate following behind. She let out a scream, but didn't move. Her eyes were wide and fear filled her soft featured. Something bad had happened three days ago. She did not want to see how bad it was though.

Kate heard a scream when she came out of the forest with Jack and Locke. She turned her head in the direction of the sound and found a stunned Claire staring at them, or rather, at the young man between Jack and Locke. Throwing a, "I'll be right back" at the men walking in front of her, she walked over to the young mother. Claire did not look up as Kate came to a halt next to her, her eyes were fixed on Charlie. "Claire?" Kate said and she placed a hand on the blonde's shoulder and shook her out of her stupor.

Claire jumped slightly when Kate placed a hand on her shoulder. Realizing it was nothing to harm her, she did not run, but instead she looked up at Kate. "What happened," the mother demanded, "It's bad, I know. Just tell me. Don't lie to protect me." Her light gray eyes blazed as if to dare Kate to lie.

Kate sighed and stole a glance at the direction of the three men she just left. They had reached the tent by now and Jack was probably giving Charlie a check up. Turning back to Claire, she just decided to tell her the truth. It would be for the best. "I don't know the whole story, but it seemed that Charlie had attempted suicide by...stabbing himself in his stomach. The wound was pretty bad. The blade had punctured his lung. Jack had done his best to fix him up, but we don't know if he'll make through it yet." _The hard truth without softening the facts up. Great going, Kate._

Claire stood there, listening to Kate talk. Her eyes were wide and frightened. "You're lying," the new mother said. Her breathing was sharp and heavy. "H-he wouldn't do something like that," she sobbed. Claire closed her eyes and sobbed. Suddenly, the woman handed Kate the baby and trudged hastily up the beach and to the tent. She fell to her knees and looked from Jack to Locke. "What happened," she asked, looking at the bald man.

Kate wanted to run after the young mother, but she didn't want the baby to be exposed to the sight of a wounded Charlie. So instead, she opted to sit down on a rock and wait for one of them to take over the baby-sitting duty.

Locke glanced at Jack from the place where he was sitting on a box and turned back to Claire. "Where's Kate?" he asked.

"Don't change the subject, Locke! Tell me!" the Australian cried.

"He attempted suicide," he said with difficulty. Locke did not want to deliver the blow so hard, but he figured that Kate must have already told Claire, for the young woman to run in here like that.

"I know what he did," Claire said. Her voice was low and dangerous. "I want to know why he did it!" She crossed her arms over her chest and stared up at Locke. "Just tell, all right? Tell me."

"Claire.. I.." Locke began but was cut off. Surprisingly Jack cut him off this tome.

"Actually Locke, I want to know that too. Tell us the whole story. What happened in the woods?" Jack asked.

Lock sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "Shouldn't we get Kate for this too?" he asked.

"Locke!" Claire yelled.

"No. Locke is right. Kate should know this too. Let's go find her. Charlie needs some rest." Jack reasoned.

Together they walked out of the tent and walked over to Kate and the baby. Claire took her son back from Kate and put him in his cradle. Jack and Kate sat down on the sand and they all looked at the bald man, waiting for an explanation.

Locke sighed and sat down too. He started from the beginning, where he stumbled onto Charlie in the forest and how he didn't want to come back. He also told them how he followed the young man, the revelation of Charlie as a heroin addict and how he managed to shake off Locke again. "I didn't notice that he stole my knife until after I returned to the beach. As soon as I noticed, I ran back to the forest to look for him, but he had a huge head start on me. I probably wouldn't even have found him, was it not for the scream. The sight of how I found him was awful. He was lying in a pool of his own blood. He didn't want me to save him. In the end, I knocked him out and carried him away. Night was falling and I knew we wouldn't make it back to the beach in time. When I saw the cave, I brought him there and waited for the morning. The next day, I found Jack and Kate. The rest you know."

Claire blinked and felt bile come into her mouth. She wanted to be sick. The woman also did not want to believe that Charlie was a heroin addict. "T-this can't be true," she stammered. However, even as she said it, she knew it was true. Slowly, she stood. "I want to be alone, with Charlie," she said, going away from the group and back to the tent where Charlie lay. Slowly, she sat down beside him. "Why did you do it Charlie," she asked quietly. Claire closed her eyes and fell asleep.


	6. Sideways Secrets

_Everything was washing over me. There were wild waves everywhere. I can't see. There is foam in my eyes. I am trying to swim. Suddenly, I am lifted. I am light as air. I am flying over the land. There is gray smoke coming towards me. My eyes widen. The smoke stops. It faces me. I see images of my mum, my brother, my brothers child, me playing guitar and there are more images. I cannot see them. Suddenly, I land…hard… on the beach._

Slowly, Charlie blinks. He coughed hard and winced. However, the pain the druggie had was not as bad. Slowly, he looked around. _Shouldn't I be dead,_ he thought, closing his eyes. His pale face scrunched up in agony. The withdrawals he felt were horrible, besides the pain of his stomach. Sweat dripped down his face and neck and onto his chest.

Claire woke up to the sound of someone coughing. Her thoughts first went out to her son, but then she realized the voice was too deep to be her son's cough. Opening her eyes, she saw Charlie's face, scrunched up in agony. In an instant, she was up and by the young man's side, patting his face. "Charlie. Charlie! Can you hear me? Charlie!"

Charlie scrunched his eyes tightly closed for a moment as someone yelled at him as she patted his cheeks. Slowly, he nodded. "Yes," the man whispered as he licked his lips. He was quite dehydrated from his fever. Slowly, he opened his eyes. For a moment nothing was clear and then his sight gradually improved and everything came into focus. His eyes focused on Claire and his pale cheeks flush crimson. "Claire," Charlie said as his grayish blue eyes shifted so that he was not looking her in the eye.

Claire breathed a sigh of relief when Charlie opened his eyes and was even more relieved when he said her name. What worried her though was when he refused to look her in the eye. "Charlie," she asked again, but softly this time, "what happened?"

Charlie still did not look into her light blue eyes. He could not. Shame filled his heart for what he had done in the past – the drugs, the suicide attempts, the lies. "Locke didn't tell you," he whispered in confusion. He did not know what happened after he had fallen asleep, but Charlie could guess that Jack had healed him – he was their only surgeon and his wound had been bad. "I-I tried to commit suicide, Claire."

Claire felt like her stomach had vanished. Locke had told them this yesterday, but she had not wanted to believe him. Hearing it now from Charlie's mouth, made her accept the truth, whether she liked it or not. She tried to find her voice, but found out she could not. Clearing her throat, she tried it again. "Wh- wha- why?" she half sputtered and gave a nervous laugh.

His twisted face, scrunched up even further as Claire asked the one word. "Why? That's complicated," he whispered. Slowly, Charlie pushed himself into a half sitting position. Slowly, Charlie sighed. His hands shook and he clenched them into fists. "I'm a heroin addict," he whispered, "I was trying to quit. I tried once. I-I did the same thing, except I slit my wrist." Charlie nodded to his right wrist as he paused. "I left so I wouldn't hurt you or the baby. I get violent when I have withdrawals. Well, until I hurt myself. I wasn't going to come back if I couldn't get a hold of myself…" He bowed his head even further down. The man couldn't look at Claire.

Claire's stomach was back, but now it was filled with lead. _Everything Locke said was true._ Charlie admitted it himself. Claire did not know what to feel. Anger? Pity? Sympathy? Disappointment? She didn't know. "Charlie.. I.." she started, but found that she couldn't finish the sentence. She didn't know what to say. Suddenly, one specific emotion flared up. It was anger. Why didn't Charlie tell her before? Didn't he trust her? "Why haven't you said anything before? Why didn't you tell me?" she asked, voice laced with anger, but it also contained a bit hurt.

"Claire," Charlie began sighing, "I couldn't. You would…you wouldn't have understood. You wouldn't have trust me. No one would have." Charlie closed his eyes. His body jerked involuntarily. Slowly, he began to sing a song by Citizen Cope, "You know it ain't easy/ For these thoughts here to leave me/There's no words to describe it…" Slowly, Charlie began to cry. One tear fell down his cheek and then another. "These feelings won't go away/They've been knockin' me sideways/They've been knockin' me out lately…" The tears were pouring now and he was shaking worse, but his voice was steady as he continued to sing. "I keep thinking in a moment that/Time will take them away/But these feelings won't go away…" His voice cracked as he finished singing the song.

_Charlie took his keys out of his pocket and placed the key in the lock. He glanced at his bandaged wrist and gulped. That was utterly stupid of him, but that was in the past. He turned the key and went into his apartment. There was nothing left. He gasped. Even his piano was gone. Liam was there though and shaking. He looked horrible. He looked crazed. In his hands was the biggest bag of heroin Charlie had ever seen. "I'm sorry," Liam whispered as Charlie walked slowly around the room._

_"You sold everything," Charlie screamed, "For heroin. It's not worth it." Deep down, Charlie knew it was and he gulped. _

_"I'm sorry mate. I had to. These craving…the pain. I couldn't stand it," Liam said, "Mum came over. She knows. I told her it was yours."_

_Charlie's world went suddenly red. "Why didn't you tell her? Why did you lie," Charlie demanded. He could not believe it. Everything he had known and loved was gone. The carpet had been pulled out from under him. His life had turned sideways. _

_"I couldn't tell her. She is coming back in a few minutes. I-I'm sorry," he whispered._

"_Don't feed me that crap," he whispered shaking his head and closing his eyes._

_"Charlie," their mother said, coming in then, "Why did you do it?"_

_"Mum, it's not mine. It's Liam's," Charlie said truthfully._

_"I wish I could believe you Charlie. Everything you've said and done, I can't believe any of it."_

_"Mum, you don't mean that…" Charlie said._

_"I do, love. Let us get some help for you - OK? Let's go to Sydney," Mrs. Pace said in a gentle voice._

_"I'm not going. Liam's the one who needs the help, not me," Charlie said. _

_"I wish I could believe that Charlie. You either get help or I will disown you," she said._

_"Fine, disown me," Charlie said, leaving and never looking back. _

Charlie sat there, sobbing and shaking. Everything shown was just pure and raw. There was nothing left to hide. If Claire could have seen his eyes, that would have been apparent, but they were hidden at the moment.

Claire also had tears in her eyes and her body shook with silent sobs. Hearing Charlie singing and sobbing like this was heart wrenching, but something hurt even more. "I don't understand? How dare you…How dare you presume that I wouldn't understand!" Claire wanted to yell at him, but all that came out were pained whispers. She put her hand in front of her mouth to stop herself from sobbing aloud and stared at the sand. Tears dropped out of her eyes and fell onto the dry sand. "I want to trust you, I really do. But how can I when you give me no reason? Trust is a rare commodity. Once you lose it, it'll be hard to get it back." she quoted some TV-show she'd once seen. Claire stood up and walked to the entrance of the tent. She needed some time to herself. Stopping by the entrance, she slowly turned back to Charlie. "Trust works both ways, Charlie. Think about it." And then she turned to leave.

Charlie slowly lifted his head and looked at her. He watched her go and then he stood. His legs barely held him. "Claire," he said, grabbing her and turning her around, "Have you ever had your mum disown you because she didn't believe you? Have you ever had your brother sell every bloody thing to get a bag of Junk? Everything you loved, everything you trusted, turn upside down?" There were tears rolling down his cheeks, but he ignored then. "How could I tell you?"

As the words sunk into Claire's mind, memories of her own flashed through her mind. She mentally shook them off. Looking Charlie straight in the eye, her blue eyes were ice cold. "Perhaps you should have had more faith in me." she said softly, then pulled her arm out of his grip. "And not just abandon us without a word." With those words, Claire left Charlie alone in his tent, alone with his injuries, alone with his thoughts.


	7. Taken Secrets

To: Stroppy-teenager

Me – Yeah, he is on heroin (heroine is a female hero) in the flashback. Oh, I know that Liam does and that Charlie does not get off until he gets on the island. The flashback was set before Liam came clean and after Charlie tried to quit on his own, but he is on the drugs. However, the drugs that Liam has are not his, so in essence he is not lying they are Liam's drugs. He never says that he is not on drugs. He says that they are not his, which is the truth. She is mad at Charlie in the 2nd season, yes. This fan fic is an alternate universe fan fic – the flashbacks and reasons for Claire's anger, how Charlie quits and the fact Claire has all ready had the baby, Cirn and I are making it all up.

Cirn - nods Yep. what she said. Claire is very confused with her emotions raging in her mind and hormones in her body. Plus, you'll find another reason later in this story that might explain why she reacted the way she… reacted.

To: Ernil i Pheriannath

Me – Why do you say no? I am glad you do.

_There are so many instances…moments…that I would change. Like the first time I tried heroin. Like the time I beat up that girl. My lies I told, especially to Claire. If I could do anything, I would, to change the memories – to change what happened. I screwed up. I screwed up so many times I cannot even count them. Can I ever fix what I did wrong?_

Charlie stood at the entrance to the tent watching sadly as Claire left. Slowly, he turned. He heard a sound. The French woman had followed! "The baby, where is he," she asked.

The recovering heroin addict gulped and ran forward. He ran away from the tent and to Claire's dwelling. No one was there, except the baby. He swept the child up into his arms. "You'll not have him," Charlie whispered.

Claire breathed in the salty smell of the sea. She was walking near the water, trailing the coastline, thinking on what Charlie had said. On some level, she could understand why he didn't tell her. The fear of nobody trusting you would make anyone think twice before trusting someone themselves. But understanding it doesn't make it hurt less. Claire still wished that Charlie had told her. She would have understood. At least, that's what she told herself. Slowly, she walked back to her tent. She needed to hold her baby. She needed reassurance.

Kate was on her way back to Claire's tent with some water for the baby when she saw Charlie up and holding the baby close. But what shocked her the most, was that a strange woman was advancing on them with a crazy glint in her eyes. Dropping what she was holding, she ran over to Charlie and the baby and shot the strange woman a warning glare. "Go away!"

"Laissez-moi l'avoir. Il m'aidera à récupérer Alex," cried the woman. She continued to advance towards Charlie. She didn't seem to hear Kate yelling at her.

Charlie slowly backed away. He held the baby close to his chest. "You can't have him," Charlie whispered. There was fear in his eyes and his breath was fast and shallow.

Kate just kept yelling at the strange lady to go away, even though she did not listen.

Claire arrived at the scene and panicked at the sight of her baby being threatened. With a flare of maternal instincts rising up in her, she ran over to Charlie, grabbed her son back and held him tightly against her. She still hasn't sorted out her feelings towards the young man. Turning to face the dangerous looking woman, she gave her the most dangerous looking glare she had. "Stay away from my baby." she hissed in a low voice.

"J'ai besoin ton bébé," the woman screamed. She turned suddenly, realizing she could not take the child, at least not yet. "I will be back. There will be prices to be paid," she warned and ran into the forest and out of sight.

Charlie looked at Claire and her son. He let out a little wince as he did. His chest hurt. The man looked to where the French woman had come and sighed. He knew something bad was about to happen.

Claire and Kate both breathed a sigh of relieve when the French woman left, but a feeling of apprehension still lingered in their minds. Claire turned back to her baby to sooth him as he had been woken up by all the notices the adults were making.

Kate suddenly turned to Charlie and raised her eyebrows in surprise. "Hey, aren't you suppose to be mortally wounded?" she asked in a confused voice.

The pain in his stomach was starting to flare up and the painkillers were wearing off. Slowly, he nodded. "Yeah," he said, slowly sitting down in the sand and wincing. The wound really hurt, but he had more on his mind than to think about the wound.

Kate looked at Charlie's wound in concern. "I think I'd better get Jack. Wait here," she said and ran off to look for Jack.

Claire looked uncomfortably at the young man while trying to soothe her son. She clearly didn't know what to say.

Slowly, Charlie nodded to Kate. "Will do," he whispered and then looked up at Claire. "I wasn't going to let anything happen to him, Claire," Charlie whispered, "I won't let anything happen to you. It's why I left. I know me, Claire. I'd hurt and not mean it. I wish I wasn't like that, but…" Charlie's voice drifted off and shook his head. "I'm sorry. I fucked things up. I know it. It's all so I wouldn't hurt you," His voice was a whisper and Charlie did not even know if the woman had heard him.

Claire heard it allright. Loud and clear as if it had been screamed in her ears. Claire wanted to be angry, she wanted to be angry and just not have to think about it anymore, but she knew she couldn't. Turning her back to Charlie, Claire decided that she needed more time to think and she told the young man so. "I don't know, Charlie. It's just I just need some time, okay? Give me some time to think."

Slowly, Charlie nodded. _Sorry, I am only/Human you know me…My days always/ _

_Dry up and blow away…But you know I'll defend/The tragedy that we knew as/The end,_ Charlie thought sighing and watching the sun set and the people go to sleep.

In the night she came. Silent as the night that surrounded them. Like the wind she swept down and took the baby.

Claire woke up with a start. Something was wrong she could feel it. Her baby, where was her baby? Claire stood up and looked at the cradle. It was empty. Claire did the first thing that came to her mind. She screamed. "MY BABY! SOMEONE STOLE MY BABY! HELP!"

There was frantic screaming far off. _What was it about, _Charlie thought in his sleep. It then hit him. Charlie sat bolt upright. Pain rippled through his abdomen, but he did not pay any attention to it. The recovering druggie had fallen asleep where Kate had left him. She had not returned with Jack. Hastily, he got up and ran over to Claire. He clasped his hands over his mouth in horror. The feelings of horror were replaced by anger. How dare that woman. Charlie thought. "I'm going to get him back," Charlie whispered. As if his legs were going by themselves, he started for the forest. He thought he knew where to look for the French woman.

Charlie was stopped however. A dangerously thing, yet pregnant woman had stumbled out of the woods in front of him. Charlie backed up involuntarily and the woman screamed from terror and pain. Charlie recognized her instantly. It was the girl he had unintentionally beat up and called 'Bessie', but she was no longer chubby. She was pencil thin, except for a small budge in her mid-section. "You," she sobbed, "Ohh...owe." The woman bent double. Her long, light brown hair was matted with dirt and had sticks in it and part of her hair stuck to her forehead. She was sweating from the pain she had. Charlie stepped forward and tried to grab her bare arm. "There's a doctor at the camp, he will help you," Charlie said looking at the amber eyes which were filled with hurt and fear.

"I'm not going to let you touch me," the woman whispered as she backed away. Her dirty orange tank top and a loop on the back of her light colored jeans got hooked on a branch behind her and she was stuck.

"You're in labor. You need help. Trust me just this once, OK? I am sorry for what I did to you. I'm sorry for a lot of things," Charlie whispered as he got her unstuck.

The woman didn't say anything, she just grimaced as another labor pain hit her. Charlie supported her waist and shoulders and managed to maneuver the anorexic pregnant woman to the camp. "Someone get Jack," he ordered.

Luckily, for him, Jack and Kate were just on their way to give him a check up. Kate could not find Jack at first, but it turned out that he went into the forest with Locke. Seeing the pregnant woman, Jack immediately ordered someone to help her into the 'hospital' tent. "Charlie, you come with us too. I'll give you a check up afterwards," he ordered, then hurried after Boone and Locke, whom helped carry the woman.

"I need to go," Charlie said, "I have to go find Claire's baby." Charlie strode to his tent, grabbed a shirt and threw it on. He winced and bit his lip. The man did not pay any attention to the pain though. He grabbed his backpack and threw it over his shoulder. He glanced back at Claire and then went into the forest.

"Charlie!" Kate yelled after him, but the young man ignored her. He glanced back at Claire and then went into the forest.

Claire just sat there, numb after the disappearance of her baby, tears running soundlessly down her cheeks. One some level of her mind, she was worried about Charlie, but the worry about her baby was stronger and overcame the worry for the young man.

For six hours Charlie went. The ache was extraordinary. He had never felt anything like it. However, he did not focus on the pain. Charlie figured he could later.

Meanwhile, back at the camp, the eighteen-year-old woman was having a very difficult labor. The baby's head was stuck. She had barely gotten out of her jeans and into a skirt before the baby's head crowned. She was now lying on the ground, following the doctors' instruction. Her thin hands gripped the blankets tightly and sweat poured. She screamed and leaned her head back, closing her amber eyes.

Just as the woman rested from pushing, Charlie wandered into a familiar spot. His foot tripped a wire. Something swung at him, but he ducked and it missed him. "I know you're here," he yelled, "Give me the baby."


	8. Born Secrets

To Ernil i Pheriannath: Thank-you. We are. Okey. :)

"Allright almost there - just another push," Jack urged the young woman in labor, "That's it. Here it is."

A cry of a newborn babe could be heard and all the occupants in the tent, which were Jack, Kate and the former pregnant girl, were happy that all went well. Jack cradled the tiny baby in his arms and let the cries of a newborn sooth his heavy heart as he sat down on the sand. He did not look up as Kate sat down next to him. They watched the sunrise for a few minutes in peaceful silence, before his question broke it. "He's gone isn't he?" Jack asked.

Kate stared at the sun, it's light beams reflected by the still water of the ocean. She looked down at her hands, then back to the sun again. "Yeah, he is." she replied. "Went into the jungle to look for Claire's baby."

Jack slowly stood up, careful not to jostle the baby girl, who was now asleep. Walking back to the medical tent, he put the newborn down on a makeshift bed and tucked her in.

Kate walked in after him. Jack had a suspicious calmness around him. He was now packing medical supplies in his backpack and water.

"We're going after him, aren't we?" she said, more like a statement rather than a question.

"_I_ am going." Jack said as he gave her a 'look'.

"Oh no you don't. I'm coming with you, whether you like it or not." she replied stubbornly.

"Kate," Jack started tiredly, but the person in question cut him off.

"No Jack. I am coming with you. Period."

The doctor just stared at the young woman and then shook his head with a small smile. "I'll never get rid of you, will I?" he asked playfully.

Kate smiled and replied, "Nope."

"Grab your stuff."

The woman breathed a sigh of relief when the child was finally out of her. That had been the worst pain she had ever felt. Slowly, she opened her eyes and looked at Jack. "Thank-you for helping me," she said softly, "I want you to take the baby. Do what you want with her. I don't want the baby. I can't take care of myself and I know I can't take care of a child." She shook her head. "Before you protest, look at me? Do I look healthy? I know I'm sick." She sighed again and closed her eyes. "I know I sound horrible, but…" she shook her head, "I'm not."

Jack looked surprised and he didn't know what to do. On this island, he was already busy enough without also having to take care of a baby. On the other hand, he could not just leave the baby alone. Rather uncomfortable, he looked at Kate for help, but she looked just as surprised as he did and she just shrugged. Sighing, he turned back at the young woman. "I- I don't know. I mean, I see that you look a bit unhealthy, but the baby is yours, you…" Jack was at lost for words.

"I don't want the baby," she said, "I did not want her from the time I found out. I was horrified that I was pregnant. I was a cow." She looked down and sighed. "Please, sir," she whispered quietly. The woman looked up at Jack. "I heard another woman's baby was taken. Take her and offer the child in replace of the other."

"What? No! We can't offer up ones life to save another." Jack exclaimed. Taking a deep breath, he continued. "Fine, I will do my best to take care of the baby for you. However, I need something in return. You need to heal your body and listen to my instructions. I will not have my patients die on me, even if it's on this fucking island!" With that, Jack took over the baby who had been in Kate's arms and strolled out of the tent.

The woman sighed and closed her eyes. Tears fell. "You don't understand. I don't think I can," she whispered. The words were so quiet only the woman heard them. "I want too, but I can't," she said in a tiny voice that no one heard.

In the meantime, Charlie winced as he stood and looked around. "Come out. I know you are there."

Slowly, the French woman came out. She held the baby in her arms. "No," she whispered and ran.

Charlie followed and suddenly he ran into another trap. It fell down around him and pulled up. Charlie gasped and grabbed at his neck. "Help," he whispered over an over and the noose tightened. Blackness began to envelop him.

Jack and Kate ran through the jungle. Kate was a little behind. "Hey! Do you even know where you are going?" she called to him.

Jack slowed his pace and turned his head back to face Kate. "I figured that we should look at the places Charlie had been the day when he was wounded. Might find something." he called back and picked up the pace again.

Kate sighed exasperatedly and she would have rolled her eyes if she had not needed all her concentration to look where she was running.

Jack suddenly came to a stop. The first thing he felt was a great wave of relief that they had found Charlie that soon. The second wave of emotion contained pure panic at the sight of the young man half dead, strangled to a tree. Acting quickly, he ran over to Charlie and lifted him up so he noose wouldn't be cutting off his air supply anymore.

Kate ran over to where the ropes were tied and tried to cut it loose as quickly as possible. After a bit of climbing and cutting, the ropes finally broke and Charlie fell to the ground, dragging Jack with him. Jack wasted no time and immediately checked for breathing an

and a pulse. When he found none, he forced his panic down and started CPR. It wasn't working.

_Breathe. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Breathe. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Breathe.. Come on! Why isn't this working! Breathe! Damn it breathe_, Jack thought furiously.

Tears were streaming down Kate's face. Charlie was dead. Why? After all they have done to save him, why now? Kate tried to get Jack to stop, she tried to make him see it was useless, that he was dead now, but Jack wouldn't listen. He kept on going. In the end, he got so frustrated that he just started hitting on Charlie's chest. Hard. He punched. "Breathe damn it! Breath!" he yelled at the lifeless body before him, but of course, he got no response. Jack fell back down onto the soil ground and gave up. Why? Why did he have to die? Jack suddenly got a rush of adrenaline and punched the lifeless body before him a few more times, just for the good measure.

Like a miracle, at his last punch, the former dead young man took a deep intake of breath and coughed. Kate and Jack watched this with big eyes. Jack recovered first and started patting on Charlie's back, this time to get him to breathe more easily. Kate just stood there and laughed of relief, laughed of the craziness of this situation. Jack laughed too. It was a miracle.

He was falling…falling into blackness. It was like sinking into a warm bath. It was heaven. Slowly, the darkness faded and turned to a golden light. It was comforting and balmy, like a day in the middle of spring. Was this dying? Charlie thought so. Suddenly, there was pain. The pain in his chest and from the withdrawals had gone. It was now back. Charlie coughed and then cried out. Jack had hit part of the wound. He grasped Jacks arm tightly. Slowly, the air came into his lungs, but there was fire.

After what seemed like forever, Charlie could breathe and knew what was going on. Quickly, he got up. The man was dizzy and hurt horribly, but he did not pay any attention and started forward. A crazed glean in his eyes – whether it was from lack of oxygen or because he was on a mission, it was not clear.

Jack shook himself out of the shock he was in at seeing Charlie standing up so fast after practically being 'dead' for at least a few minutes and darted after the young man. "Hey! Charlie!"

"Where are you going?" Kate yelled after them and rolled her eyes exasperatedly combined with throwing her arms up in the air when neither responded. Not wanting to be left behind, she ran after them, throwing a "Jack!" and "Charlie!" in their direction occasionally.

"I have to get Claire's baby back," Charlie, rasped out, "I'm not going back without him. She's close." The man stopped and glanced around. He frowned and looked at the ground. There was a disturbance of growth and he followed it. Soon he got to a clearing and the French woman was there, crooning to the wailing baby boy while she wept.

"Give me the baby," Charlie whispered.

The woman looked up in surprise. She stared at the man. "I-I thought that he would bring Alex back," she whispered

Charlie walked forward. "Give me the baby," he repeated. Anger was in his eyes.

The woman nodded and handed the baby over. "I am sorry. It should have worked. I am sorry," she whispered and went into the forest slowly.

The man checked the baby over. He then held the child close and muttered, "Nutter." Slowly, Charlie limped back to Jack and Kate. "Lets go back," Charlie whispered.


	9. Shared Secrets

To Ernil i Pheriannath:

Me: I am glad you can – I think.

Cirn - Thanks for reviewing!

_How could someone not want their own child? My parents, they did not want me and still I can't understand. This poor child though. How sick is this woman not to want her own baby?_

John Locke shook his head as he watched over the new baby. She had no name yet, but John thought the little girl looked like a Laurie. The little girl was swaddled and crying. John sniffed and made a face. She needed to be cleaned up and a diaper put on so that no more swaddling cloths had to be washed. Carefully picking up the little girl with brown hair like her mother and light blue eyes unlike her, John went over to Claire's tent. "Claire," he began, "Do you have any extra diapers I could borrow? This little girl needs one." John showed Claire the little girl.

you have any extra diapers I could borrow? This little girl needs one." John showed Claire the little girl.

Claire looked up from where she was sitting and squinted her eyes at the bright sunlight. Then, she turned her attention to the bald man with a little bundle in his arms. "Eh, sure Locke. Who's-who's that?" she asked. "I've never seen her before."

"Poor thing," Locke shook his head as he said this, "Her own mother doesn't want her. She gave her to Jack. She's sick I think." John sighed. "Anyway, how are you holding up? Charlie will find him Claire. I don't think he'll stop until he does."

Claire stood up and walked over to the suitcase next to the cradle where she put the diapers in. She was silent for a moment, half not wanting to answer the question, half not knowing how to answer. Claire took a deep breath. "I know he won't. It's just, I don't know if that'll be enough." She handed the diapers over to Locke. "What if he gets hurt? What if they both get hurt? I can't loose them, Locke. I can't." Her voice quavered as she said that. Claire took

continued. "I need my baby in my life. I need them both." Tears started to fall.

"Jack and Kate are with him, Claire. Everything's going to be all right. They'll be back before you know it." John smiled at her weakly. "The baby…well she was just born a little bit ago. Her mother stumbled into the camp. She doesn't want her. The woman, well child, she doesn't think she can take care of her and doesn't want to. The woman's pretty sick, as I said. Pencil thin, even after being pregnant." The man shook his head and took the diapers. "Thanks. Well, I need to go wash her up. Thanks again." John walked off with the little girl in his arms and the diapers in one hand.

Claire stood stunned, with a deep frown on her face and in deep thoughts after Locke left. How could someone abandon their child? That's wrong! The child is a gift. The greatest gift one could get in their lives. Claire was angry. No. She was fuming! Nobody should abandon their child. Nobody!

Claire strolled to the medical tent as fast as her legs would carry her and stormed inside. What she saw there, made her freeze in her steps and her anger cool down slightly.

The young woman, who had been dozing, woke. Her amber eyes looked around and fell on a blond haired woman who looked angry. "Hello," she said, slowly pushing herself into a sitting position.

Claire slowly took in the skinny form of the younger female and blinked a few times. She swallowed and tried to speak, but no words would form out of her mouth. Finally, she stuttered a "Who are you?" at the girl.

"Kass Meyer's, survivor of Flight 815, and you are," she said in a calm voice. She closed her eyes and then opened them again. "Sit down. You're making me nervous."

Claire looked around for a place to sit, if only for the reason to stall. Finding a nice box, she sat down. "Claire Littleton, a very angry mother who just lost her child." Her voice was icy cold and her eyes blazed with fire when she looked at Kass.

Kass had a confused look in her eyes. "Oh, I am sorry," she whispered, "I'm sure you'll get your child back."

Claire took a deep breath. "I heard you wanted to give up your child. Why?"

"I'm seventeen, Claire, I'm anorexic. I can't take care of myself. How can I take care of a baby?" She closed her eyes. "Jack said he would take her, if I heal my body. I'm not sure I can. I've been anorexic since I was fourteen. My boyfriend and my aunt, they took me to London to see my favorite band, Driveshaft. It was so exciting. To see one of their shows, there is no other experience like it. I was their biggest fan. Well, anyway, after the concert, I ran into the base player, Charlie Pace. He called me Bessie – a cow – after I ran smack into him. I was crushed. I became anorexic after that." She sighed.

"It's still not right to give up your own child! It's a part of you. No matter how hard it is, you have to take care of your baby, because it's your duty and the baby it's part…" Claire suddenly stopped in her rant, realizing something. "Wait, did you just say, Charlie Pace?"

"It is, if you can't take care of yourself. A child needs stability. A child needs love. I can't give either. I wish I could…" Her voice trailed off and she sighed. She closed her eyes for a moment and then opened them when she was asked her question. "Yes, I did. Apparently, he's on this God forsaken island. I almost did not come with him when he found me. I couldn't trust him. I can't." She shook her head slightly.

Claire sighed heavily and put her head in her hands. Things are getting so much more complicated with the minute. Well, maybe not minute, but it was close. Claire really needed to hold her baby right now. God, she hoped that they were okay. They need to be okay. Lifting her head to face Kass, she took a deep breath. "Charlie… isn't that bad. He just…has issues." Claire couldn't believe she's actually defending him.

Kass shrugged. She didn't know Charlie too well, she had only met him that once. "You can sure say that again," she said as the sun dipped over the horizon…turning the water blood red.


	10. Loving Secrets

_I did it. I did something important. I became bigger. I hadn't thought of drugs or anything really since Claire's baby was taken. I just had to get him back. I did._

Charlie looked up at Jack and Kate. The little baby was in his arms protectively. The child had stopped crying and was actually sleeping. Sweat dripped down his face and his shirt was soaked. He was pasty and his eyes were red rimmed and running. Charlie had been going on pure adrenaline. However, now that everything was back to 'normal', the adrenaline rush was over and everything was happening at once. He was starting to feel extremely sick and he hurt so badly. He was also feeling exhaustion from everything. Charlie knew he would collapse where he stood if they did not get back to the camp soon.

"Are you sure you don't want me to hold the baby? You look exhausted Charlie," Jack tried.

Charlie looked at Jack and nodded his head. "Yeah. Not only because I'm tired, but because I don't want to drop him," Charlie whispered in a hoarse voice. The crazed and determined look in his eyes was gone. It was replaced by tiredness, pain and a distant look that was from nothing but the withdrawals. Slowly, he handed Jack Claire's baby.

Jack was surprised that he convinced the young man. He had expected him to say no. But as he took the baby in his arms, Jack studied Charlie's features closely. He looked like he was on the brink of collapsing.

"Come on, we're almost there. Lean on me," Kate said and offered her arm to the young man.

"I'm fine enough to get there on my own, thanks," Charlie whispered as he trudged onwards until nightfall, when they had reached the edge of their camp. The man could not go on any longer. The pain was so severe and his withdrawals were so horrible and exhaustion had taken over that with his last step, he just collapsed to the ground.

Kate let out a sigh of exasperation as Charlie collapsed to the ground. "Oh - you are such a stubborn git!"

"Here, you hold the baby." Jack said and handed the baby over to Kate. He then leaned down and scooped up the unconscious young man. "Come on." he said over his shoulder to Kate and they walked further into the camp.

Charlie did not wake as Jack picked him up. He was shivering uncontrollably and his legs jerked spontaneously.

Kass heard commotion a little ways away. She shifted and tried to peer out the tent, but she could not see anything.

Claire heard the commotion as well and stood up. "I will be back," she said to Kass absentmindedly and then walked out of the tent. What she saw made her eyes to round like saucers. For a second there, she was frozen in her place, but then she snapped out of her shock and ran to Kate, or more specifically, her baby.

"Don't worry, he's here now. Charlie got him back," Kate said soothingly to the distressed mother and carefully laid the bundle in Claire's awaiting arms.

Claire looked at her precious baby with her eyes full of tears and she held him close_. Oh thank God, you're safe. Thank God, _Claire prayed with relief. She lifted her teary gaze up to look at Kate and smiled. "Thank you," she breathed.

Jack took Charlie into the tent Charlie called 'home'. He propped the man up so that he was comfortable and then checked his wound. The cloth around his the wound was soiled and the wound on his neck from the hanging was not too bad. Jack laid a hand on Charlie's sweaty forehead, he had a small fever, but it was nothing to worry about. The sweating was more from the withdrawals than his infection.

Jack stood and went to the medical tent. He got some painkillers for the general aches, antibiotics to make sure his infection did not get worse, Diazepam for anxiety, Methadone to trick Charlie's brain into thinking he was not off heroin and clozapine to calm any paranoia he might feel. The doctor also got fresh dressings, alcohol, washcloth and a bottle of water. He went back to Charlie's tent.

He took Charlie's shirt off carefully and unwrapped the wound. It was healing nicely and it looked like there would be a full recovery. He then poured some water on the wound and whipped it dry. After this was complete, he put fresh dressings on it and washed Charlie's chaffed neck with alcohol. Pouring one of each pill into his hand, he helped Charlie get the medicines down and then left.

Back outside, after few minutes of making sure her baby was actually here and proving to herself that she wasn't dreaming, Claire looked around her, eyes searching for someone. Not finding that person, Claire turned back to Kate and looked at her with a frown. "Where's Charlie?" she asked.

"Jack has carried him back to his tent. Poor guy was exhausted and injured. He was too stubborn to ask for help, so in the end, he collapsed right after we'd reached the camp," Kate explained.

As her brains absorbed the information, Claire held her son closer to her chest and hugged him as tight as she could without suffocating him. She thanked whatever the gods up there that were listening for bringing her baby back to her safely. "W-Will he be allright?" she asked the brunette hesitatingly.

Kate smiled. "He's a tough guy. Something tells me that we will not be able to get rid of him that easily. Plan him to be around for a long while," The woman said. With a wink, Kate walked back to her tent, leaving the happy, though confused young mother behind with her son.

Claire started in the direction of her tent, but then thought the better of it and headed towards Charlie's tent. She needed to make sure the young man was all right. When she arrived there, she just stood still and watched the young man. He looked quite terrible, but the up side was that he was still alive and just sleeping or so she thought. Claire walked back to her tent with her baby clutched safely in her arms.

A day and a half later, the worst of the withdrawals happened with Charlie still unconscious. It was night and the full moon was out. There was only one person up and at Charlie's side – Claire. The sweat was pouring and he was jerking. His face twisted and, luckily, he was on his side because he began to vomit.

Claire jerked awake. Her gaze fell on the vomiting young man and her instincts kicked in. Which meant that she was starting to panic. Quickly taking a few breaths to calm herself, she stood up. Claire still did not know what to do. "Charlie?" her voice contained worry and the sounds of barely controlled panic. When the young man did not answer, she tried again. "Charlie?" Again was her voiced laced with worry, but now the panic in it was clearly audible. The young man still did not answer, nor gave any indication that he had heard her. Claire knew there was only one thing she could do. Get Jack. "Hang on, Charlie, I'll be right back with Jack," she told the still vomiting young man. With one last look at Charlie, she quickly ran to find Jack.

Jack was in his tent with the little baby John Locke had dubbed Laurie. He had found a bottle in the wreckage and some powdered milk. He had heated some water and made formula for the newborn, which the doctor was feeding. The doctor looked up when Claire came towards his tent, but he did not say anything.

"Jack! Something's wrong with Charlie," Claire rushed, out of breath.

The doctor stood instantly and rushed to Charlie's tent. He handed the newborn too Claire along with her bottle. Then, he checked the man over. Slowly, he leaned back on his heels. "He's going through withdrawals from heroin," Jack said, giving Charlie his meds after finishing throwing up, "There is not much I can do for him. This is a critical time right now. To tell you the truth, he might not survive this either because of an accidental overdose when he had his last fix or from his body just shutting down from not having any heroin. I am doing all I can do for him. You need to keep an eye on him. Can you do that Claire?"

Claire blinked and then nodded. "Yeah, I can. I will," she said, while trying to absorb the information. Claire did not know what fate was playing at. After all that has happened in the past few days - after close call meetings with the death, after Claire just realized that she wasn't angry at Charlie and actually never really had been. Charlie might die. She might lose him after all. What was fate playing at? Was life really that twisted? Would the higher beings up there in the heaven really be so cruel to take Charlie away from her? They can't do this to her!

Jack stood up. He took the baby and the bottle from Claire. "I will come check on him in a few hours. Come get me if anything worse happens," Jack said as he walked away.

With a sigh, Claire sat down on the box next to Charlie. Her mind started to drift back to her last - not so happy- reunion with her mother.

_"Why won't you help me, mom?" Hurt could be heard in Claire's voice._

_The curly blond haired woman with brown eyes threw her hands up. She looked angrily at the blond. "Why should I Claire? You can't hold a job. You are not responsible and you're self-centered! I don't know who you are anymore. I did not raise my daughter the way you've grown up," she shouted at her. _

_Claire shot up from the chair where she was sitting on and shouted back. "Well maybe if you had paid more attention, you would have known!" Claire started to pace. "You are always so busy with your own life, have you ever paid any attention to mine? You don't understand me! You never did!"_

_"Oh, you want to think that, don't you? Well go right ahead. I understand you a lot more than you think you did. I am not going to watch you make the same mistakes I did. I am not going to watch you throw your life away, as I did. Leave Claire. Do not come back. You know where the door is." The woman pointed to the door as she stormed out of the living room. _

_Claire followed her mother with her eyes trained to the floor. Right before she went out of the door, she raised her tears filled eyes and looked her mother straight into the eyes. "Don't worry. You won't have to face your mistake ever again. I won't come back," she said coldly and walked away, not once turning around._

Claire had never seen her mother again since that day. Her mother never called either. After a while, Claire got over it and moved on with her life or so she thought. Because right now, sitting here next to the comatose young man, she strongly wished that her mother was here to support her. If she was going to make it out of this alive, the first thing Claire will do is to call her mum and mend things with her.

Claire looked at the unconscious man next to her. She absentmindedly stroked his forehead. "You know Charlie, I've forgiven you. I'm not mad anymore. I understand you. Maybe I don't understand the whole situation nor do I exactly know how you are feeling, but I generally understand. I understand why you didn't tell me, because placing myself in your situation, I wouldn't have either. Charlie, yes, I do know how it feels to be disowned by your own mother," she whispered to him. Claire continued to stroke his head. "Please Charlie, be strong. Get better soon. I need you in my life. We need you in our lives." Claire was quiet for a few moments. "Me and the baby need you. Me and Aaron need you. Please wake up soon. Fight..."

For two days more, Charlie was comatose. Jack worried about him. He was afraid that his body was shutting down because there had been no heroin in his body for nearly four days, infection and sepsis had set in, or he had indeed overdosed. However, neither of those things had happened. Charlie slowly awoke on the sixth day of not having had any heroin in him. The morning was cool and crisp and no wind stirred as Charlie did. Slowly, Charlie blinked and looked around. He saw someone he never expected to be by his side.

"Claire," he whispered, licking his dry lips. He had stopped sweating profusely around midnight the night before and his eyes did not run anymore. Once in awhile, his legs or arms still jerked, but it was not as bad. The pain in his abdomen, it was only from the wound, not from his stomach twisting up in knots, causing vomiting, as it had the night before.

Claire blinked a few times and yawned. Her mind was fogged with sleep and she shook her head to clear it up a bit. Then she suddenly realized why she woke up in the first place. Someone called her name. Someone of whom she thought would never wake up again. Someone she'd missed dearly. "Charlie?" she asked uncertainly while turning her head in his direction, fully expecting to see him still in his coma.

Charlie smiled weakly. "Claire," he whispered. His voice was rough and very weak, "I…didn't expect you." His words faltered and faded. Charlie looked at his stomach and winced. He remembered on bits of what happened, and he did not know what the last four days had been like.

"Oh Charlie, you're awake," Claire exclaimed softly. She wanted to run over and hug him, but didn't want to risk the chance of jolting his injuries. So instead, she decided to get Jack. "I'll be right back!" she informed Charlie and ran to get Jack.

Slowly, Charlie nodded. "Apparently I am," he whispered tiredly. He watched Claire go off to find Jack. The man sighed and closed his eyes.

Jack was taking care of Laurie. A frown was on his face. She was crying and feverish and he could not figure out why. The doctor looked up when he heard someone running to him. He stood instantly and placed Laurie in her crib. "Claire, what's wrong," he asked.

"Charlie! He's awake!" Claire cried, sounding out of breath. She pointed madly in the direction of Charlie's tent while taking deep breaths to calm herself down. "He just woke up and called my name. I didn't know what to do! I wanted to hug him, but I dunno if he's allright. Is he allright? How are his injuries?" Claire rambled.

"Slow down Claire," Jack said heading out of his tent, "I need to look him over before I can say anything. It's a miracle that he's even awake." The doctor strode over to the tent and knelt by the man. "Charlie?"

Charlie instantly opened his eyes and looked up at Jack. "Yes," he said. The man watched as Jack looked over everything. He nodded as he looked. "Everything looks fine. You'll be up in a day or two. You should make a full recovery." Charlie smiled at Jack. "Thanks. Can I be alone with Claire, please," he asked. Jack nodded and left. The recovering druggie pushed himself into a sitting position and winced a little.

Claire shuffled on her feet, feeling nervous all of a sudden. "So," she started conversationally, "are you okay?" Claire winced at her stupid question. Of course, he wasn't okay, he just woke up out of a coma, for goodness sake! She cleared her throat before trying it again. "I mean, eh, how do you feel?" Geez, Claire really felt like putting her foot in her mouth today.

Charlie watched Claire shuffle around and stumble over her words. "Sit," he said to the woman, "You're making me nervous." Charlie sighed and bit his lip as he thought about the questions. "I'm alive. I feel pretty stupid right now – I always do after," he admits, "I want a hit more then anything. I'm not going to hide it. But, I'm not going to take any." There was a small pang over the bridge of his nose. To relieve the pain, he pinched the spot. "There are more important things in my life. When your baby was taken…I was so scared Claire," he whispered.

Tears filled up in Claire's eyes. She didn't know what to say. She was just speechless or maybe it was the fact that her throat was still sore from the running she did to get Jack and back again. Either way, she was speechless.

"Oh, Charlie." she whispered. She really did not know what to say. So she said the first thing that popped into her mind. "Don't be." Yep. Definitely putting that foot in her mouth. "I mean, don't feel stupid." Ah well, now she'd started anyways "Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has secrets. I think I understand that." Claire sighed and stretched her stiff neck. "I'm not mad anymore, you know. I guess, I just want to know more. Not about why you didn't tell us, because I think I can understand that part already. But tell me more about yourself." she said softly.

Charlie shook his head. "No, Claire. I don't feel stupid about the drugs. I regret ever taking them, but I don't feel stupid. You don't understand," he whispered. Sighing, the man thought how to put this. "I tried to kill myself a few years ago. I slit my wrists. I survived. I'm not the suicidal type Claire, except when I am in the middle of withdrawals. I get violent and usually I hurt the first person who is around me. Then I hurt myself. I left so I would not hurt anyone…so I wouldn't hurt you. But, anyways, I feel stupid for trying to kill myself." He stopped and gave a soft chuckle when he heard she wanted to know more about him. "That might take awhile."

"We've got time. On this bloody island, we've got nothing more but time." she smiled sadly. "So, go on."

Charlie laughed. "You sound like me," he said licking his lips and he began to tell her the story of his past – starting from the beginning and coming to the present, so that he did not leave anything out. By the time he had finished the sun had long set.

_Fin_


End file.
